on one of my lasts posts, most of the people that answered agreed with the idea I’m on the spectrum. I don’t know. I don’t see anything wrong being myself.
I’d just like some serious answers from neurotypicals explaining to me why my question triggered my coworker so much:
Manager called me to ask if I can take an extra shift at a different unit because they’re short staffed due to illness. I agreed.
Because that unit sometimes overfills and nurses there have to take care of more patients than the ratio agreed with the union I called the unit to ask how many patients they do have today, to have an idea if my shift tomorrow is going to be an easy or a difficult one.
The coworker started yelling and calling me an idiot and using some other choice words, so I said “ok” and hung up.
I didn’t yell at her, I simply asked the question in a neutral tone, and I still don’t get the animosity.
20 minutes later the same person calls to inform she called our manager and tomorrow I don’t have to work at that unit.
All this stupid drama because I asked how many patients they have? I simply don’t get it.
Am I really this autistic?
Do you remember how exactly you phrased the question? Maybe it’s not just what you said, but how you said it.
me: Hi, I’m A and tomorrow I’ll be working with you. Can you tell me how many patients do you have today at the unit?
her: what for? (she sounded exasperated).
me: I want to know how much I have to work.
her: are you stupid? (aggressively)
me: I beg your pardon?
her: are you stupid? [insert rant here she started I didn’t listen to because when people yell at me I disconnect and if she already made up her mind not to answer me, why bother? Plus, how many of you can have a conversation with somebody yelling at you?]
me: fine [I hung up]
While the response you got was probably an overreaction, if you stated it exactly this way, that was the trigger.
“I want to know how much I have to work” will suggest that you don’t want to work. A better way to phrase it would have been with your first question:
“Hi, I’m A and tomorrow I’ll be working with you. I don’t usually work there, and I wanted to make sure I was prepared for the workload. About how many patients do you have?”
That tells them that you do want to work. Slotting the word “about” in there lets them know that you don’t expect an exact number (that they would have to shift their own brain gears to go look up), and gives them the option of saying something like “pretty quiet right now” or “it’s crazy, I gotta go, see you tomorrow.”
“I want to know how much I have to work” gives off vibes that you generally put in the minimum effort and want to know if you will actually have to try tomorrow.
This appears not to be correct, but that’s just how people see that particular phrase. It offended her that your question appeared to imply that the level of workload affects your willingness to work in that unit. To mitigate what she perceived as your reluctance to do hard work, she called your manager to make sure that she didn’t have to work with you.
Consider the reason behind your question. Would an accurate answer have actually affected your day? Most people don’t have the luxury of knowing what tomorrow will look like. I understand the desire to be prepared and to know what will be thrown at you beforehand, since I’m neurodivergent too, but often these questions are for our own comfort and an answer is not actually necessary.