Gary?

"Mandrake, have you never wondered why I drink only distilled water, or rain water, and only pure-grain alcohol Have you ever heard of a thing called fluoridation. Fluoridation of water? Do you realize that fluoridation is the most monstrously conceived and dangerous Communist plot we have ever had to face?

I can no longer sit back and allow Communist infiltration, Communist indoctrination, Communist subversion, and the international Communist conspiracy to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids!"

– these goobers