TillieNeuen [she/her]

We’re trained not to see the violence all around us, because we’re swimming in it all the time. Here’s a quote about the topic from Mark Twain that got me thinking years ago when I was starting to move left. Maybe it’ll speak to you too:

There were two “Reigns of Terror,” if we would but remember it and consider it; the one wrought murder in hot passion, the other in heartless cold blood; the one lasted mere months, the other had lasted a thousand years; the one inflicted death upon ten thousand persons, the other upon a hundred millions; but our shudders are all for the “horrors” of the minor Terror, the momentary Terror, so to speak; whereas, what is the horror of swift death by the axe, compared with lifelong death from hunger, cold, insult, cruelty, and heart-break? What is swift death by lightning compared with death by slow fire at the stake? A city cemetery could contain the coffins filled by that brief Terror which we have all been so diligently taught to shiver at and mourn over; but all France could hardly contain the coffins filled by that older and real Terror—that unspeakably bitter and awful Terror which none of us has been taught to see in its vastness or pity as it deserves.

I love Monty Python, but I’ll never forgive them for turning “Come and see the violence inherent in the system” into a joke. Dennis was spitting FACTS.

I remember your post from a few days ago about your debilitating migraine, and I’m so sorry that it has brought you to ending up at the hospital. I have never been on anti-anxiety meds or migraine meds, so I have no useful advice to give, aside from noting that I’ve heard that sometimes doctors don’t take pain seriously. I don’t know if there are different options for you that might help manage your pain other than triptans, but push your doctor to look–there might be some option they haven’t considered. On the other hand, I know in your other post you said you didn’t want to go off the anti-anxiety meds because they were working, but maybe there’s something similar you could take that wouldn’t interfere with triptans? In other words, have a serious talk with your doctors and advocate for yourself so that you can hopefully find a solution that will take both your mental health and you pain seriously. Especially since your pain is having a real effect on your mental health, it’s clear that you can’t just let the migraines go.

Also, I’m so glad for you that you have parents and a sister that love you! That is wonderful. Be honest with them, don’t try to “suck it up” or protect them from how you’re feeling. It’s worse to feel like there’s something being hidden from you, I promise.

Again, I’m so glad you’re still here with us, and hopeful that better health is in your future.