Dharma Curious (he/him)

Thing is, I only had a minor sore throat for like 24 hours, with a couple white spots, and honestly, I just thought the sore throat was from some, uh, recreational activity the night before. But I felt just awful and flinchy* for several days, then I got these red bumps all over my back and shoulders, and then almost died.

*I get flinchy when I have a fever or get sick. Something touches me and it’s like my body jumps or flinches and I don’t understand it at all. It’s happened my whole life, but about 6 months after the scarlet fever I got mono, and got super flinchy as well, and now that’s just a thing that happens to me now, where my body involuntarily flinches whenever anything touches it. It’s not all the time, but it’ll do it for several days with no reason, and then not again for months. Doc doesn’t know why, but guesses it’s because the mono virus sticks around in you forever, and it’s just an after effect. Says hopefully it’ll go away eventually, but it’s been like 5 years, and every so often (coincidentally happening the last couple days) I just suddenly become a scared Chihuahua or some shit

TIL why my mom always checked my throats for spots whenever we mentioned any kind of not feeling well. First thing she did. I always assumed it was just a strep thing, but she grew up in a time when measles was still an active threat. I just remember white spots in the throat being the biggest thing. No white spots, go to bed. White spots, go to doctor.

Fun fact: I ignored that advice in my late twenties and ended up with scarlet fever. Like a fucking Victorian child. Didn’t even know scarlet fever was still a thing.

Don’t worry, after we invade and occupy purchase Greenland Red, White, And Blueland, I’m sure we’ll “purchase” Iceland, too. Then we can all go live there…

I literally only opened the comments to ask someone to do this. Lol. Thank you for anticipating my needs

Shut up, my paper isn’t due until Sunday, and I needed make this pillow cases today!

What’s aq?

Oompa loompa doompety doo I’ve got a perfect puzzle for you Oompa loompa doompety dee If you are wise you’ll listen to me

What do you get when you capture and cage Tiny elephants filled with wisdom and rage? Forcing them to work against their own will What do you think they’ll do when they’ve had their fill?

Oompa loompa doompety dack If you’re not cruel, they won’t attack You will live in happiness too Like the Oompa Loompa doompety do

They may be small but they’re clever and bright With memories long and a thirst to fight They’ll band together while you sleep at night And stomp on your toes with all of their might!

Oompa loompa doompety dight Listen to now and set things right You can befriend them instead of enslave And they’ll trumpet your name from tunnel to cave

What can you gain from your wicked small zoo? When friendship and trunk-shakes are waiting for you? The karma returning from your evil schemes Will haunt all your days and plague all your dreams!

Oompa loompa doompety doo Treat little creatures with respect that’s true Oompa loompa doompety dee Set those wee elephants instantly free!

The Belcher children have grown up, apparently. That sounds exactly like something she’d say

It doesn’t make sense. But I live in the southern US, where they didn’t get that memo that it’s okay for men to like things besides giant trucks and football. Two dudes in Walmart did the coughfaggotcough thing a while back when they saw me with my teeny little mini dachshunds. 🙄 They don’t know what they’re missing. Tiny dogs rock

I’m never sure if asking about someone’s medical status is impolite or not, so I’ll just say I genuinely hope you’re well now, and fuck cancer.

And I’ve been told similar. My doctor always thinks I’m on the verge of passing out. I’m not. I’m just over here silently reciting the Lord’s prayer, or “om Mani padme hum” or whatever I think might distract my brain haha. I never give em a fight, but my brain has to be elsewhere

I mean, it’s possible, I suppose? I’ve never been stung by a penis. I’ve taken a lot of dick, but I didn’t even know they could sting!

Please do. Some of us learn by reading diatribes on subs like this one

Nah, as a dachshund dad, everyone cares. I can’t take them anywhere without adding extra time to how long it takes. For real, on days when I take them for a ride in the car, I have to add an hour or so to my mental math of the trip because people will stop me to pet them or ooh and aww. It’s wild.

And then like once or twice per dozen trips out someone makes a comment about me having little “girly” dogs, and I gotta deal with that, too. But IDC, my babys love going for rides, so they’re gonna go for rides. Lol

Nah, it legit is, though. Just because someone or most someones understand how something happens doesn’t mean it isn’t magic anymore. It just means that we have a hard magic system. We understand our magic so well that we’ve stopped seeing it as magical, but if you take a step back and take a look at the big picture it becomes clear that the world is magical, and everything around us is this amazing, often confusing, incredible tapestry of Wonder and awe. The world has just ground us down so much that we feel like wonder is strictly for children, that we’re not allowed to feel wonder anymore. Embrace the magic. Even if you know how it works.

I mean the unnatural state of inserting something into my veins! It’s not right, it’s not natural, and it goes against all rules of God and man.

I deal better if I can get them to agree to draw from the wrist or back of my hands, it hurts more, but it’s much more dealable. But when they pull from the inside of the elbow? My brain shuts down and I have to distract myself or I’ll hyperventilate. It’s panic inducing, and has nothing to do with the pain or physical sensation. Best way I can describe it is if you have arachnophobia, it’s not like being in a room with a spider, it’s like allowing one to crawl around on your face or the back of your neck and being told to sit there calmly. It’s fucking horrible.

I don’t like any needles in me, but blood draws are the absolute fucking worst. Fevers give me the same panic feeling, but coupled with full body aches and pain in my joints

I’ve had broken bones, puncture wounds, kidney stones, I got stabbed by a blade shaped rock that nicked my right kidney, I’ve cut the heel almost off of my foot, slit my leg open to the bone, shocked bad enough to knock me unconscious, head wounds, back pain, neck pain… The list goes on. I dealt. I’d like to say fairly well.

… But a fever or a blood draw? I cannot fucking function

I mean, I figured it was more meme-y than accurate, but good to know. Still, they’re smart as fuck and mourn their dead, and seem to have rituals, sacred spaces, and generational knowledge. Shrink them suckers down and let me give a whole herd of petite pachyderms a patch of paradise, please

So there is a good reason, then? I’ve googled it before, and the best answers I’ve gotten are basically “cause MAMMOTHS!”

If that’s the case and there’s a good reason, then hell yeah, do whatever we can to prevent climate collapse!

But also, give me small elephants, please? Especially if they can manage Chihuahua sized elephants. I would have so many! And I would make sure they always have a clear view of the moon goddess they worship

Ever since I was a kid I’ve always been hyped about the idea of them bringing back the mammoth. Been hearing about it my whole life…

But I have to ask… Why are we trying to, exactly? I mean, the planet’s heating up. why are we trying to reintroduce a woolly mammoth? It’s one thing if they’re talking about using actual mammoth DNA and cloning it, but that article was talking about specifically just turning on some genes that cause fur and cold tolerance… What is the point of just making furry elephants at this point? Where are we sticking them, and why are we sticking them there? Is there some ecological niche that needs filling? Are we going to attempt to populate Antarctica (and hope it stays cold enough for that?) with hirsute pachyderms?

How about a different plan? As much as I have been excited woolly mammoths my entire life, let’s try something a little different. Let’s shrink the elephants we have, and introduce them into North America. Elephants the size of bison, roaming the continent. You can still make them cold tolerant, to handle winters, and give em some fur if you want. But the elephants we have are going extinct, and you’re worrying about bringing back something else. How about we save what we have? Let them roam and graze Europe and North America, replacing the Aurochs and the bison. God knows we’re not going to stop eating anything too cow like, so wild bison is basically right out. Let’s let the elephant fill these niches, and save the species. They’re too fucking smart to let die. Elephants got fucking religion, y’all. We cannot let them die.

I hope that’s not true. I used mine to find the lost condom in my room the day my mom called on her way home from work when I was 13 and said she’d bought us a new bed and we were rearranging furniture when she got home.