I have been having a really tough time with emotional regulation for several months. Every slight irritation feels like fucking nails on chalkboard, where something like buying the wrong thing at the store and not noticing until I get home might make me want to scream and throw things. I don’t, but a lot of the time with annoyances I just loudly swear as kind of a pressure release and when it’s really bad Ive been white knuckling it so as not to hit myself or throw shit. Normally I just let out a loud “FUCK” or “GOD DAMNIT”. Not screaming, but much louder than I talk

My partner is from a normal healthy family so me raising my voice or just exasperatedly saying “fuck”, not at him, but at the thing, is really upsetting to him. I don’t see the big deal because my mother is a fucking cyclone of screaming and chaos so I’m very tame in comparison. But, I know it’s something I need to try to control, I guess, but I feel like I can’t. It’s just an instinctive reaction, especially when there are a couple mistakes/annoyances stacked on eachother.

Any advice if you struggle with this? I go to therapy and my therapist sucks so thats not helpful right now

  • ratboy [they/them]@hexbear.netOPEnglish
    2·
    20 days ago

    No worries about the word vomit! I appreciate you being thoughtful about your response

    being in the presence of someone yelling into the void, even from frustration, comes off aggressive and can be scary to a bystander regardless of intention

    Yeah, I wish I could understand this better. My partner & I have been together for like 8 years, and I can get really excited in general and really animated in front of him, especially when I’m complaining lol. And I’ve just done it for so long, I just hate that it still affects him. I care and want to be sensitive to his feelings, but it’s just so so hard to contain. And it’s generally not screaming, but it’s still aggressive which is the point. I don’t even realize that I’m being as aggressive as I come off, a lot of the time. Wish I was more in tune with it.

    Just don’t do anything but get yourself to a physical, literal, happy place you’ve chosen.

    This is probably going to be the easiest thing to do when I’m in the space where I was today with the wrong purchase example. I will be leaving whatever room I’m in a LOT lol. I think the trauma from my last job really did a much more severe number on me than I think I realized, so I am just ultra agitated at the smallest things, it sucks. But detaching from my phone, especially in those moments will probably help too.

    thank youuuu