I have been having a really tough time with emotional regulation for several months. Every slight irritation feels like fucking nails on chalkboard, where something like buying the wrong thing at the store and not noticing until I get home might make me want to scream and throw things. I don’t, but a lot of the time with annoyances I just loudly swear as kind of a pressure release and when it’s really bad Ive been white knuckling it so as not to hit myself or throw shit. Normally I just let out a loud “FUCK” or “GOD DAMNIT”. Not screaming, but much louder than I talk

My partner is from a normal healthy family so me raising my voice or just exasperatedly saying “fuck”, not at him, but at the thing, is really upsetting to him. I don’t see the big deal because my mother is a fucking cyclone of screaming and chaos so I’m very tame in comparison. But, I know it’s something I need to try to control, I guess, but I feel like I can’t. It’s just an instinctive reaction, especially when there are a couple mistakes/annoyances stacked on eachother.

Any advice if you struggle with this? I go to therapy and my therapist sucks so thats not helpful right now

  • ratboy [they/them]@hexbear.netOPEnglish
    2·
    21 days ago

    I’m sorry that your partner would get mad at you for that, that’s really unfair, especially if you explained your background on that. Glad that person is an ex!

    For me & my person, though, we both swear like sailors lol. I think it’s just more the sheer agitation/frustration that I feel is what stresses him out. And it can be something as little as like, the cursor on my laptop getting frozen. Obviously there’s a scale of frustration there but I think it wears on him all the same and just suppressing my frustration at all levels feels like it’s gonna be an impossible task… sadness I think I’m in a very severe state of burnout though so I hope that I recover quickly. Like I’m starting to stim in public in ways I never used to (absolute avoidance of eye contact while speaking, constantly using fidgets, rocking back and forth). It suckkkkks but that’s a tangent lol.

    That really sucks that you would have to pay to switch practitioners! Especially if it would be a gamble as to whether the new one would be an improvement. Is it expensive?

    • TheSpectreOfGay [hy/hym, she/her]@hexbear.netEnglish
      3·
      21 days ago

      oh gotcha. i do also get that, i have rly shitty boundaries so ppl being upset around me freaks me out lmao

      yea given what you’ve said you sound very burnt out. really hard to suppress things at that stage. i would just recommend the other outlets for it. journalling works for me, though im sure there’s other options. my partner (also autistic) gets angry very easily, but generally hides it pretty well since im so bad at dealing with it. he generally deflects anger by smiling, which sounds kinda weird, but he’s the type that doesn’t facially emote unless he consciously thinks of doing it. so certain facial expression became an outlet for anger like yelling does. idk if that’d work for anyone else or if he’s just weird tho lmao 😭

      That really sucks that you would have to pay to switch practitioners! Especially if it would be a gamble as to whether the new one would be an improvement. Is it expensive?

      it’s just cos i have a free one through free health services, but if i want to change i’d have to go private bc they literally only have the one therapist for the area

      • ratboy [they/them]@hexbear.netOPEnglish
        2·
        20 days ago

        That’s so absurd to me that they only have one therapist, jeez! Kinda makes sense that they wouldn’t do that extra research, I’m sure they are so burnt out. Loooove our supportive healthcare systems agony-wholesome