I have been having a really tough time with emotional regulation for several months. Every slight irritation feels like fucking nails on chalkboard, where something like buying the wrong thing at the store and not noticing until I get home might make me want to scream and throw things. I don’t, but a lot of the time with annoyances I just loudly swear as kind of a pressure release and when it’s really bad Ive been white knuckling it so as not to hit myself or throw shit. Normally I just let out a loud “FUCK” or “GOD DAMNIT”. Not screaming, but much louder than I talk
My partner is from a normal healthy family so me raising my voice or just exasperatedly saying “fuck”, not at him, but at the thing, is really upsetting to him. I don’t see the big deal because my mother is a fucking cyclone of screaming and chaos so I’m very tame in comparison. But, I know it’s something I need to try to control, I guess, but I feel like I can’t. It’s just an instinctive reaction, especially when there are a couple mistakes/annoyances stacked on eachother.
Any advice if you struggle with this? I go to therapy and my therapist sucks so thats not helpful right now
Thank you. Big hugs are really soothing and I think would really help. When it comes to the random loud swearing, though, its so tough cuz its automatic, I swear all the time, my partner does too, its just like when you bump your head and say “ow!” reflexively, its like that lol.
I would probably wither away if I still had to work right now, but youre right that the obligations can help. I worked in social services and I would struggle all day, but then being in helper/customer service mode would totally distract me cuz I loved my clients.