I have been having a really tough time with emotional regulation for several months. Every slight irritation feels like fucking nails on chalkboard, where something like buying the wrong thing at the store and not noticing until I get home might make me want to scream and throw things. I don’t, but a lot of the time with annoyances I just loudly swear as kind of a pressure release and when it’s really bad Ive been white knuckling it so as not to hit myself or throw shit. Normally I just let out a loud “FUCK” or “GOD DAMNIT”. Not screaming, but much louder than I talk
My partner is from a normal healthy family so me raising my voice or just exasperatedly saying “fuck”, not at him, but at the thing, is really upsetting to him. I don’t see the big deal because my mother is a fucking cyclone of screaming and chaos so I’m very tame in comparison. But, I know it’s something I need to try to control, I guess, but I feel like I can’t. It’s just an instinctive reaction, especially when there are a couple mistakes/annoyances stacked on eachother.
Any advice if you struggle with this? I go to therapy and my therapist sucks so thats not helpful right now
Oh also I swear under my breath a LOT at work and the stim ring, breathing exercises, and identifying and directly identifying/addressing the triggers helps. One approach is having someone (a fellow adhd/anger-haver) I’ve established mutual consent with for venting, who then usually helps ground my reaction in a more solid worldview.