The dating app replaces only the “asking someone out” step, not the actual date itself.
I want to nitpick on this, because I’m told a lot of people use these apps, match, and then never actually ask the other person out. They then are sometimes puzzled why they’re not going on dates.
The only thing online dating changes is that people don’t need to take a rejection straight to their face and get embarrassed into never trying again.
It also helps filter out “oh, she doesn’t date men”, “wow, he’s anti-vax”, “he doesn’t want kids, ever, and i do” kind of stuff. At least, when the app is working and not fully enshittified. That stuff is valuable.
I want to nitpick on this, because I’m told a lot of people use these apps, match, and then never actually ask the other person out. They then are sometimes puzzled why they’re not going on dates.
I’m not sure if you’re implying they’re the same person, as in they won’t ask anyone out and then wonder why nobody goes out with them? Because that I can’t really explain. I guess maybe they’re shy or they think the other person should be asking them out, but if you’re going to leave it solely to chance then you have to accept that there’s a chance you never get asked out. But if someone is thinks they’re trying but it just doesn’t happen, then that needs a more deeper dive into why it wouldn’t happen. From my experience most of the time the people I didn’t go out with were people who were closed off, so my most general advice in that case would be to try to be more open. Nobody wants to pry answers out of you. Talk about yourself, or if you don’t like talking about yourself be more proactive in getting to know the other person. Be interested in them and let them be interested in you.
It also helps filter out “oh, she doesn’t date men”, “wow, he’s anti-vax”, “he doesn’t want kids, ever, and i do” kind of stuff. At least, when the app is working and not fully enshittified. That stuff is valuable.
That as well. Some people put in their bios clear no-nos and I think that’s great.
I’m not sure if you’re implying they’re the same person, as in they won’t ask anyone out and then wonder why nobody goes out with them? Because that I can’t really explain
Yes indeed. There was a guy I was talking to a while ago who said he never got any dates from the apps. I wanted to be helpful, so I asked him to describe his process and what happened.
He said he’d match (good), and then send them a nice personal message (great), they’d chat on the app (good) for a couple weeks (what) and then they’d stop responding.
He never asked them out but he’d keep talking to them, and seemed confused why he wasn’t having dates. I’m not exactly sure why- maybe he was waiting for the perfect moment that never came. I think this is somewhat common because I’ve seen a lot of profiles that say “not looking for a pen pal. Ask me out!”
I told the specific guy I was talking to I recommend asking people out after like one exchange and you’ve cleared your dealbreakers, and I hope that helped him.
my most general advice in that case would be to try to be more open. Nobody wants to pry answers out of you.
This is good advice. A very common blunder I see is people dead-ending conversations. Like someone will be like “oh my gosh I love your spaceslug T-shirt. Did you ever see them play live?” and they respond with “no [end of message]”. Like, what. How is the other person supposed to interpret that?
If it was in person I’d be like “oh ok this person doesn’t want to talk” but on an app, after we matched? Why respond at all? Just unmatch if you’re not interested, or respond later when you can whole-ass the response.
I want to nitpick on this, because I’m told a lot of people use these apps, match, and then never actually ask the other person out. They then are sometimes puzzled why they’re not going on dates.
It also helps filter out “oh, she doesn’t date men”, “wow, he’s anti-vax”, “he doesn’t want kids, ever, and i do” kind of stuff. At least, when the app is working and not fully enshittified. That stuff is valuable.
Sorry for the nitpicks. Good post though, thanks.
I’m not sure if you’re implying they’re the same person, as in they won’t ask anyone out and then wonder why nobody goes out with them? Because that I can’t really explain. I guess maybe they’re shy or they think the other person should be asking them out, but if you’re going to leave it solely to chance then you have to accept that there’s a chance you never get asked out. But if someone is thinks they’re trying but it just doesn’t happen, then that needs a more deeper dive into why it wouldn’t happen. From my experience most of the time the people I didn’t go out with were people who were closed off, so my most general advice in that case would be to try to be more open. Nobody wants to pry answers out of you. Talk about yourself, or if you don’t like talking about yourself be more proactive in getting to know the other person. Be interested in them and let them be interested in you.
That as well. Some people put in their bios clear no-nos and I think that’s great.
Yes indeed. There was a guy I was talking to a while ago who said he never got any dates from the apps. I wanted to be helpful, so I asked him to describe his process and what happened.
He said he’d match (good), and then send them a nice personal message (great), they’d chat on the app (good) for a couple weeks (what) and then they’d stop responding.
He never asked them out but he’d keep talking to them, and seemed confused why he wasn’t having dates. I’m not exactly sure why- maybe he was waiting for the perfect moment that never came. I think this is somewhat common because I’ve seen a lot of profiles that say “not looking for a pen pal. Ask me out!”
I told the specific guy I was talking to I recommend asking people out after like one exchange and you’ve cleared your dealbreakers, and I hope that helped him.
This is good advice. A very common blunder I see is people dead-ending conversations. Like someone will be like “oh my gosh I love your spaceslug T-shirt. Did you ever see them play live?” and they respond with “no [end of message]”. Like, what. How is the other person supposed to interpret that?
If it was in person I’d be like “oh ok this person doesn’t want to talk” but on an app, after we matched? Why respond at all? Just unmatch if you’re not interested, or respond later when you can whole-ass the response.