I have always been both extro- and introverted, with social activity being quite exhausting even when I enjoy it, but also happy to do nothing but sit in front of a PC 24 hours a day. When socially active, I have been pretty great at superficial interactions, I don’t even have a lot of trouble making friends, historically - but I am also very prone to misunderstand things others seemed to intuitively understand, and also have a history of changing peer circles and losing contact with people.
I’ve been young before, but I am old now.
I’m a cishet guy, so I guess I have been a boy.
I have phases of fidgeting and other noticeable stimming, but can also sit completely still, both as a learned/trained thing, stress reaction (to the point of basically dissociating), or when otherwise focused on things.
I both excelled and struggled in school - I excelled at the topics I loved and was able to bullshit a lot thanks to absorbing a lot of general knowledge because my family was all failed, mentally ill and ND academics/intellectuals. But I simply never put in any effort and was outright defiant for anything that did not interest me - and I never did homework, flunked out of classes repeatedly and basically stayed home about 1/3rd of my career as a student, but still managed to finish school - probably because some teachers found that combination of knowledge and defiance “endearing” and they put in a word with the teachers that rightfully found it just to be obnoxious.
“Difficulty regulating” attention hits the nail on the head, and the fact that I thought to myself “But I can pay attention to things, I can even be extremely focused, so it can’t be AD(H)D” as a misconception for decades was sadly a very regrettable part of my life that kept me from understanding myself properly.
(I even had a diagnosis when I was a kid, but my parents were rather ambivalent about it, and it was the late 90s/early 2000s, the time when ADHD was presented as “just those damn psychiatrists/psychologists suddenly pathologising normal behaviour, just discipline your kids right” very regularly and with relatively little backlash - probably one of the most damaging pop-culture contrarianisms that affected my childhood/teenage years. I internalised it for decades and just assumed that diagnosis back then must have been a “trendy” mistake, because the most superficial “these are the symptoms” materials I read, never seemed to fit properly - and the people I knew with confirmed ADHD seemed so different from how it manifested for them.)
I have always been both extro- and introverted, with social activity being quite exhausting even when I enjoy it, but also happy to do nothing […]
This is actually textbook introvert. Ex/introverted has nothing to do with what you enjoy. It’s about what “recharges your battery” and gives you the strength to continue.
Do you remember during lockdowns there were those people who were absolutely losing their minds because they missed being around people so much? Those are extraverts. They need people to recharge their batteries like you or I need our alone time to recharge ours.
That actually sounds like you might be both tbh. I would have thought would be a good thing, though. Like you’re able to recharge from both AC & DC, to continue the battery metaphor lol.
Also maybe I’m wrong but I think most introverts need some minimum level of socializing after a while, even if it’s draining, the are many benefits that outweigh the energy expenditure.
Hmmm, I think with that definition I am for sure more on the introverted end, but reflecting on it, I am still uncertain if it’s clear-cut.
While I was very unambivalent in my first assessment, I can think of social situations that have been regenerating to me, even ones that may seem paradoxical - like having a lot of people (I trust) around me enjoying themselves loudly on drugs and alcohol, while I stay sober and listen to them talk to me uninhibited and without a filter. And I did miss being around people, sometimes desperately so, although maybe not to the degree you are describing.
But I’ve also always struggled with clear-cut categories like that, feeling like a completely different person at different times of my life, so, I guess I don’t know if I am just overthinking it. 🤷 If seen on a scale/spectrum, definitely more weight on the introverted side, though.
But I’ve also always struggled with clear-cut categories like that, feeling like a completely different person at different times of my life, […]
I hear that. I think a spectrum/scale is probably more helpful than a binary A | B divide, and yeah also heavily context dependent. Like even really severe introverts usually have some close “inner circle” people who they don’t find draining.
I also relate to feeling alone in a crowd, where you can sort of spectate the socializing without actually being the focus of it. Or just being in an anonymous crowd so large that you feel alone (the crush of humanity–the thing I miss the most about living in s big city).
Anyway, not that I’m looking for universal metrics, but just to say that most introverts probably aren’t 100% that way – they might just need every other weekend to themselves or something.
I have always been both extro- and introverted, with social activity being quite exhausting even when I enjoy it, but also happy to do nothing but sit in front of a PC 24 hours a day. When socially active, I have been pretty great at superficial interactions, I don’t even have a lot of trouble making friends, historically - but I am also very prone to misunderstand things others seemed to intuitively understand, and also have a history of changing peer circles and losing contact with people.
I’ve been young before, but I am old now.
I’m a cishet guy, so I guess I have been a boy.
I have phases of fidgeting and other noticeable stimming, but can also sit completely still, both as a learned/trained thing, stress reaction (to the point of basically dissociating), or when otherwise focused on things.
I both excelled and struggled in school - I excelled at the topics I loved and was able to bullshit a lot thanks to absorbing a lot of general knowledge because my family was all failed, mentally ill and ND academics/intellectuals. But I simply never put in any effort and was outright defiant for anything that did not interest me - and I never did homework, flunked out of classes repeatedly and basically stayed home about 1/3rd of my career as a student, but still managed to finish school - probably because some teachers found that combination of knowledge and defiance “endearing” and they put in a word with the teachers that rightfully found it just to be obnoxious.
“Difficulty regulating” attention hits the nail on the head, and the fact that I thought to myself “But I can pay attention to things, I can even be extremely focused, so it can’t be AD(H)D” as a misconception for decades was sadly a very regrettable part of my life that kept me from understanding myself properly.
(I even had a diagnosis when I was a kid, but my parents were rather ambivalent about it, and it was the late 90s/early 2000s, the time when ADHD was presented as “just those damn psychiatrists/psychologists suddenly pathologising normal behaviour, just discipline your kids right” very regularly and with relatively little backlash - probably one of the most damaging pop-culture contrarianisms that affected my childhood/teenage years. I internalised it for decades and just assumed that diagnosis back then must have been a “trendy” mistake, because the most superficial “these are the symptoms” materials I read, never seemed to fit properly - and the people I knew with confirmed ADHD seemed so different from how it manifested for them.)
This is actually textbook introvert. Ex/introverted has nothing to do with what you enjoy. It’s about what “recharges your battery” and gives you the strength to continue.
Do you remember during lockdowns there were those people who were absolutely losing their minds because they missed being around people so much? Those are extraverts. They need people to recharge their batteries like you or I need our alone time to recharge ours.
People who need people, lol
So what if I both get energy from and am exhausted by people? I go crazy if I spend too much time alone AND too much time with people.
It’s like a crazy dysregulated roller coaster thing
The term is “ambiverted”.
In my case I think it’s “AuDHD” 🤣
And I suspect that whether/how much I feel the need to mask plays a big factor.
Mood and same, yeah. XD
That actually sounds like you might be both tbh. I would have thought would be a good thing, though. Like you’re able to recharge from both AC & DC, to continue the battery metaphor lol.
Also maybe I’m wrong but I think most introverts need some minimum level of socializing after a while, even if it’s draining, the are many benefits that outweigh the energy expenditure.
Hmmm, I think with that definition I am for sure more on the introverted end, but reflecting on it, I am still uncertain if it’s clear-cut.
While I was very unambivalent in my first assessment, I can think of social situations that have been regenerating to me, even ones that may seem paradoxical - like having a lot of people (I trust) around me enjoying themselves loudly on drugs and alcohol, while I stay sober and listen to them talk to me uninhibited and without a filter. And I did miss being around people, sometimes desperately so, although maybe not to the degree you are describing.
But I’ve also always struggled with clear-cut categories like that, feeling like a completely different person at different times of my life, so, I guess I don’t know if I am just overthinking it. 🤷 If seen on a scale/spectrum, definitely more weight on the introverted side, though.
I hear that. I think a spectrum/scale is probably more helpful than a binary A | B divide, and yeah also heavily context dependent. Like even really severe introverts usually have some close “inner circle” people who they don’t find draining.
I also relate to feeling alone in a crowd, where you can sort of spectate the socializing without actually being the focus of it. Or just being in an anonymous crowd so large that you feel alone (the crush of humanity–the thing I miss the most about living in s big city).
Anyway, not that I’m looking for universal metrics, but just to say that most introverts probably aren’t 100% that way – they might just need every other weekend to themselves or something.
Lockdown really was rhe best thing to happen im recent years 😌
I thought some trashmonster sung that people who need people are the luckiest people in the world?