I have been having a really tough time with emotional regulation for several months. Every slight irritation feels like fucking nails on chalkboard, where something like buying the wrong thing at the store and not noticing until I get home might make me want to scream and throw things. I don’t, but a lot of the time with annoyances I just loudly swear as kind of a pressure release and when it’s really bad Ive been white knuckling it so as not to hit myself or throw shit. Normally I just let out a loud “FUCK” or “GOD DAMNIT”. Not screaming, but much louder than I talk

My partner is from a normal healthy family so me raising my voice or just exasperatedly saying “fuck”, not at him, but at the thing, is really upsetting to him. I don’t see the big deal because my mother is a fucking cyclone of screaming and chaos so I’m very tame in comparison. But, I know it’s something I need to try to control, I guess, but I feel like I can’t. It’s just an instinctive reaction, especially when there are a couple mistakes/annoyances stacked on eachother.

Any advice if you struggle with this? I go to therapy and my therapist sucks so thats not helpful right now

  • getoffthedrugsdude@lemmy.mlEnglish
    2·
    21 days ago

    I get this a lot, too. I’ve been known to say “fuck” really loud at whatever set me off, and sometimes I have to take some aggression out on my pillow or slam my fists into the mattress if I’m really distressed. If it’s a person or someone is around to witness it I just apologize and say I’m angry/frustrated but not with them and that I need a minute to regulate/ step away, then I kinda dissociate while my emotions untangle themselves. Sometimes that ends up as empty crying in a dark room, or laying down on the floor actively breathing for a few minutes. Then I somehow get up and keep going about things on autopilot… I think life obligations act like bumper rails that push me along even when I think I can’t go on. Pet needs to be cared for, food needs to be made, something will always need my attention, so I guess I switch gears to move away from the Thing until I can deal with it again. Giving yourself just a few moments to feel everything might make a difference. Idk if any of this is helpful, but you’re not alone in the struggle and I’m sorry things are so difficult. If you’re able, just make sure to give yourself space and maybe a little grace as you work through these moments. I think the term for this is pacing, but for the ND side of things. If you’re comfortable with touch in these moments, a really tight hug usually breaks the anger and takes some of the weight off, at least for me. Hope you can find some relief.

    • ratboy [they/them]@hexbear.netOPEnglish
      1·
      20 days ago

      Thank you. Big hugs are really soothing and I think would really help. When it comes to the random loud swearing, though, its so tough cuz its automatic, I swear all the time, my partner does too, its just like when you bump your head and say “ow!” reflexively, its like that lol.

      I would probably wither away if I still had to work right now, but youre right that the obligations can help. I worked in social services and I would struggle all day, but then being in helper/customer service mode would totally distract me cuz I loved my clients.