Aside from being the maoist pope, of course.
allow gay marriage among the clergy but still forbid hetero marriage for the clergy.
mandate gay marriage for the clergy
Make bible buddies a sacrament
bring about the destruction of the church as a centralized institution by opening the archives
Get car-bombed.
I’d call for the Catholic doctrine to have a ban on heterosexuality
I would interpret that there was an even number of “nots” in whatever line in the Bible says “not” to be gay. We got it wrong because of a translation error.
Thou shalt not not not not not not not not not not love thy neighbor of the same gender
If a man lies with a male as with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination;
seems simple to me. just tell the truth and you’ll both be fine.
Yeah, normalize lying to women!
the way i read it, men can still tell lies if they team up with women. men can also tell lies as long as they do it in a clearly independent atomized way.
the only thing banned is coordinated male-only lying teams.
Yeah, that tracks. Coordinated male-only lying teams are behind 100% of the world’s problems
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Just be a gnostic, really. All the chuds that wear crosses will be excommunicated as demon worshippers
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Consider pride to be the ultimate sin, which is the root of all evil. Discrimination? That’s the sin of pride as you see yourself as superior to anyone. Idiots like coal rollers? That is also the sin of pride for literally putting your comforts, and therefore your ego above pollution
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Sustainability will be my upmost concern. Yes, while the goal is to transcend this material world, it is our duty to not make the material world any more painful than it already is
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Cuba will be declared as the state that has served God the best.
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I’ll give a shout-out to transcendentalist movements and also quakers for having the Catholic Church’s respect.
All the chuds that wear crosses will be excommunicated as demon worshippers
What about cute goth girls though can they continue to wear crosses
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You know what I’d do
OK, but what about between piss masses?
Shit masses
Aside from being the maoist pope, of course.
the catholic uprising against the landlords was the largest and most comprehensive proletarian revolution in history, and led to almost totally-equal redistribution of land among the peasantry
but also:
- have the archives digitised/remotely accessible, get a gun, and go church to church shooting pedos worldwide
- call for the immediate, eternal dissoloution of the “state” of Italy
- official church position that the great satan is actually the literal embodyment of satan, kicking off the holy crusade against amerikkka and all of its satellite/vassal states (additional bonus of retaking and liberating jerusalem and greater palestine)
- canonise Fidel Castro (while going straight to Marx, Lenin or Stalin might be funnier eventually, inflicting otherwordly levels of psychic damage on gusanos has the best immediate payoff)
- the papal treasury shall fund the alliance of sahel states indefinitely
canonise Fidel Castro (while going straight to Marx, Lenin or Stalin might be funnier eventually, inflicting otherwordly levels of psychic damage on gusanos has the best immediate payoff)
hell ya
- Declare Gnosticism is no longer heresy
- Absolve my entire family for the sole purpose of excommunicating the members I don’t like
- Dig up a bunch of other popes and put them on trial for failure to condemn genocide, nullify their papacy
- Make a weird new calendar system, ensuring my name is remembered forever
decimal calendar
Hawaii Shirt Friday.
edit: Actually no, you know what? I’m bringing 1950s Tiki Culture back. Catholicism should be more tropical and fun.
Gonna be real with ya, Buddy Christ needed a Hawaiian shirt.
Christ suffering on the limbo bar for our sins, his followers below asking how high can he die. That’s the kind of thing that would get young people excited about Catholicism.
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use some extraordinarily flimsy theological justification to claim that in addition to the holy trinity, the ancient gods of Rome are also aspects of God and resume worship of the pagan gods of the Roman republic and early empire
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call for a crusade against Israel to liberate the Palestinian people in the name of
ChristJupiter -
canonize every vaguely important communist who ever lived
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issue a papal bull declaring that cis people will not see the light of the kingdom of heaven (this is already true but it needs to be written down)
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tell the swiss guard that they’re doing great and i love them and their pikes and jaunty outfits
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hold a triumph. i don’t know for who or why but i want a goddamn triumph
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change my title to Callipygous Optimus Maximus, Imperatrix EstraDoll I
tell the swiss guard that they’re doing great and i love them and their pikes and jaunty outfits
(Important)
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Fire/arrest all the priests in the world, turn churches into community centers and museums, kick some old fascist in the balls
i think i’d be impressed by how well i pass as a guy considering i havent gotten top surgery?
oh and then idk kill all the pedos
Convert to Islam.
Wdym despite all odds, I thought I had a decent shot
I just figured a great majority of us weren’t catholic is all. If you are, you’ve got a better shot than me.
Oh im not Catholic does that affect my chances
Yeah, they’re pretty insistent you be a member of the club before they make you president.
Excommunicate prominent imperialists to keep the fash malding.
Priests can get married. Gay people can get married. Gay priests can marry eachother.
Declare homophobia to be a sin. Bigots go straight to hell.
Make all archives about collaboration with Nazis, the CIA or the protection of nonces publicly available.
Reopen the Spanish Inquisition but for nonce priests.
Make Luigi a saint.
Wear all the funny hats.
