Credit: u/manchesterMan0098
“I dont need therapy, I just need to have a woman that reminds me of my mother and will fuck me”
Ok? So what’s your point?
¿Por qué no los dos?
Someone who would lay down in bed with me and hold me while I cry would be a tremendous help to my mental health, but a therapist would be real nice, too. Too bad it’s a five-month wait to get in to see one around here.
men dont need therapy when they have meth, coke and fent
*want
I would say that, conditional to the man having a partner, intimacy is a hell of a lot more accessible than therapy. Provided that intimacy is not rationed or made conditional, this could provide more lasting and more timely healing than therapy as well.
With that said, we really need to normalize men seeking therapy. There are far too many men where the conditions above are not met, and so could and would benefit more from therapy than intimacy.
To all those saying, “but why shouldn’t men want to be cared for?”
This meme plays into a narrative the makes women subservient.
It suggests that only men “battle”, and that being a man and “battling” entities them to care by women.
No where in this is acknowledgement that women have burdens too, and that all people benefit from care.
No where in this is any hint of reciprocity. If anything, it implies that the “joy” of taking care of “her man” should be enough.
No. Walk the fuck on. Having a penis doesn’t entitle you to one-sided care.
The other thing implied by this - that women should ‘naturally’ be able to fix ‘her man’. But if a woman in broken? Oof - ‘she has Daddy issues’ and better fix herself, right?
And what if a woman tries to fix ‘her man’ and fails? Oh look - isnt that convenient - society just took all his faults and made them her failures. Wow! Who wouldn’t want to sign up for that??
And just look at that success rate. You can count up the number of women killed by intimate partners and see how great this plan is.
Society really needs to get past this childish narrative that tells men they should expect to find a manic pixie dream girl who lives only to make him happy. Men make fun of girls for believing in Prince Charming, but this is truly the more destructive fairy tale.
I get that the original was a bit sensationalist but I don’t see a problem with the overall message. Yes it was needlessly gendered but again that doesn’t change the message.
People need people that care about them and will listen. That’s it.
Yeah my fucking battle of testing software and doing deep dives on bugs.
deleted by creator
Yes but also definitely no.
I’ve been to therapy and no amount of conversation or drugs can replace genuine intimacy and a lot of single men would have their mental health improved more by an escort than a therapist.
It’s a shame that in some cultures simple friendships men, women, mixed are not accompanied by physical touch too, like a hug. And also being able to talk openly about the struggles, like us women do with our friends. You get a lot from a friend’s hug or them listening to you.
Yes. It’s not just sexual it’s about being close and open to people. I brought up escorts, and not hookers, because a lot of escorts do emotional support for their clients too in a way a therapist can’t. Good emotional support, from anywhere, can be worth more than therapy and unlike therapy there’s no paper trail insurance or govs can use against you.
Therapy is good if you think you have a condition and need a diagnosis and recommendation for a medication. That and dealing with trauma if you can’t handle it on your own. Otherwise it’s smarter to avoid it, use friends for support, and do your own research (assuming you know how to research better than a maga).
Endorphins from sex are absolutely not a long term mental health treatment. It might improve your mood at that moment, but not your health.
Ideally both, yes
Is it a cure? No, but it’s usually a better treatment than what therapy offers, mental health requires constant maintenance, and in a lot of ways it’s smarter to keep your mental conditions off of a record authoritarians can use against you.
Not to mention I’ve seen people create more problems for themselves by focusing on them too much. Too much therapy is worse than too little.
Maybe these men should stop seeing women as objects and relationships and transactions
Maybe if people didn’t go out of their way to say shit like this, missing my point and insulting me without reading the rest of thread, then men would respect women more and there’d be fewer misogynists. But no. You did. Congrats. I suggest you change your ways before you inadvertently spread misogynism with your feminism like I’m guessing you’ve done before.
Everyone can benefit from a therapist and everyone can benefit from a loving, caring partner.
Who knew?
Not when they see relationships as transactional
It definitely does not need to be one or the other. Oftentimes therapy could help in the relationship department considerably. Deep hurt is hard to get through alone, yet I hope more and more people understand there is help out there.
If relationships are a two way street, and one person is hurting enough to affect their role within it all there should be no shame in reaching out in that way. It could help a lot. It’s a shame there’s still so much stigma around therapy.I dont think that stigma is going to get any better any time soon (at least in the US). The past year has given me significantly less trust that anything medical remains private; i have no trust that things said in confidence will not be weaponized against me by the current government. There have already been cases of states demanding medical records for pregnancy, abortion, and transgender records, and texas actually got their hands on some records IIRC.
My therapist says she takes a bare minimum of notes because she understands the fear people have of private info getting leaked. Maybe someone worried about that could ask about their notes process during the therapist-finding stage.
I was implying that both are beneficials.
Oh yeah me too. I agree with everything you said, was just adding on my bit :)
I can’t comprehend what I read today. Sorry
No no, could’ve been how I worded it haha. It’s all gravy.
Wait wait wait… You’re telling me people need love? Pfft I don’t believe it.
I can guarantee there are at least a few people out there who don’t actually need love in adulthood to live happy and fulfilling lives.
How do you figure that?
Because there are always exceptions.
Always.
There is a well-known study about this: All You Need Is Love (Martin et al., 1967)
I don’t think the OP in the screenshot is describing a loving partnership though - the emotional support described is very much one sided.
There is no reason to assume that
I choose a loving, varying therapist.
I’m a man and I just need a big hairy and muscular chest to lay my head on the end of a very tough day.
I have no idea what this guy Alex is on about.
He said a hairy and muscular chest! That chest is smooth!
So a pitbull?
He wants to wake up with his face still on
Life’s hard when your husband has a smooth chest 😔
So, uh, if this is what men need at the end of the day, what does this guy think women need at the end of their day? Or is it only men “fighting battles” in their day-to-day lives? Because this surely implies that either men are needlessly making things harder for themselves if women somehow manage to avoid daily battles, or that women don’t need comfort after their daily battles… and wouldn’t that make men, who do need that help, the weaker sex?
I know right! It’s all “but men bruh” but who takes care of women?
I know themselves do, because no one will. But somehow that’s accepted, and men taking care of themselves and stop exploiting women isn’t?
See, youre actually missing one key component here. They dont think of women as people. Just baby machines made to please men.
It’s true. As soon as I’m out of sight of my husband I dock like a Roomba and wait until he returns so I can wipe away his tears and give him a foot rub.
/s
All women have to do is iron his shirt and make sure there’s food on the table when he gets in. He’s out in the real world doing manly things to bring home the bacon.
Every woman I’ve ever dated has expected me to do what they call “being there for them” in what I can only assume to be situations similar to whatever he’s hyperbolically referring to as “battles,” and I was happy to, and they did the same for me which I appreciated. But maybe since it’s just taken for granted that men do that for women (people itt seem not to realize being supportive is a bare minimum expectation for any partner), and according to the post it is mommy issues when a man wants it in return, it sounds to me like women are the weaker one.
Did I do the gender war right? Do we really have to “men bad women bad” wanting supportive partners ffs? This is why I don’t talk to people anymore, cats are better.
A whole lot of people in this thread don’t understand that a therapist does.
Also I guess gay men don’t exist. But would not be surprised someone with such a bad take also has bad ideas about queerness
You are correct. People with these attitudes would prefer gay men to not exist.
Women: “I want a guy in touch with his feelings.”
Men: “I want a woman I can share my feelings with.”
Internet people: “Women aren’t your mommy, go see a therapist with your dumb feelings.”
Me, too moron to interact with human: “Hello kitty, wanna watch King Of the Hill again? Me too, I’ll get the blanket.”
The guy in the screenshot is not in touch with his feelings.
Yeah, in touch with your feelings != dumping your feelings out of a firehose at a partner who’s expected to just soak them all up once a week, then pretending they don’t exist the rest of the time.
I also suspect that by intimacy in this case the first guy means bangmaid
It’s a gradient, but this particular case is distasteful because the man is expecting his partner to do literally free therapy, rather than work with a professional. It’s more akin to treating your partner as an emotional dumping ground than opening up.
If this is happening in the context of a more equitable relationship, where they both take turns supporting each other, then it’s totally different, though.
It doesn’t even sound like he wants free therapy. He wants a woman to kiss him on the head and tell him what a good boy he is and how hard he worked, while ignoring any problems he might have. I don’t see a therapist’s role as “nurturing and restoring” unless you’re dating them.
Maybe he literally has no problems besides no gf?
Sorry, not sorry. If he begins this with “Men do not need a therapist.” (And many men do) And then declare that the women men need be soft and caring while verbally presenting the man as a hero who fights his daily battles… that’s just toxic bullshit as fuck.
I’m okay with somebody accepting and wanting traditional gender roles, everyone’s got their own taste in potential partners and need to find the person right for them.
But declaring what “men” need and then demanding not only traditional but toxically overblown gender roles for everyone is just… BAH! And the disapproval for therapy, or telling “men” that they don’t need therapy, only a mommy, when many of us do indeed need therapy… that’s just indicative of the most bullshit incel-alpha-baby-needs-a-mommy mindset.
If you’re a guy and in touch with your feelings (like me, for example), yes, lean on your partner if you need to and they are okay with it. If you are an emotional person, be emotional. But don’t demand or expect to just be able to vomit your shit on your partner and they being okay with it and then cleaning the corner of your mouth with a tissue… Your partner is not free therapy, do not treat them like somebody providing a service.
I think a modern dysfunction of intergender relationship is an increase in transactional intimacy. Whether it’s dating, sex, or emotional, I think a lot of men are paying for their intimacy.
There is a disconnect between people noticing that love is not unconditional, and thinking love is completely transactional.
Of course if love is never useful for one of the participating parties involved, then this/their love will fade. But people interpret this fact in the way that love should always be exactly as useful for all parties involved all the time.
But in reality, it should be fine if sometimes maybe one side is more selfish, less giving, sometimes the other side. Sometimes one side gives more emotional support, but the other side is more physically caring. And so on. Love doesn’t need to be perfectly equal, it just needs to make all parties involved better than if they were without the love.
But when you’re very competitive and selfish, and it’s hard to quantify each person’s usefulness to each other, it’s easy to always think that what you give is more than what someone else gives. Constantly having arguments about how you think things should be.
It can easily be a case of personal perception of a relationship, at least my generation was constantly told their only value in life is utilitarian, when that’s your mind set you’re going to assume that’s the only value you have in relationships as well. Again, therapy would help a lot so men can see that their partners do value them outside of their assigned value culture.
I agree with what you and @Azzu @Azzu@lemm.ee are saying, in the vein that traditional gender roles have done more harm than good.
I think the culture is shifting but there’s also a weird backlash to the change, like the toxic Masculinity of Andrew Tate or Jordan Peterson, or the Trad Wife movement, or the rise of Only Fans and other pay-to-play parasitic economies.
I think a certain subgroup of men are willing to give money in exchange for intimacy as a way to exercise power in that dynamic, as if it lessens their vulnerability.
Relationships should of course be mutually beneficial, and therefore are inherently transactional. But I also find it ironic that whether men paying for online dating apps to meet women, paying for drinks, paying for sex, or paying for therapy, it’s all hitting their wallets.
You gotta remember that the traditional gender roles come from somewhere. There are many that detest them so much that they can’t even imagine that there must be something in the human psyche that came up with them.
There are plenty of people that know about the traditional gender roles doing more harm than good, yet still choosing to mostly follow them, in a non-toxic way, because they are what actually feels best for them.
I think the radical feminist push of trying to achieve perfect outcome equality in all areas is as misguided as the rigid, inflexible attempt to keep traditional gender roles completely intact.
Naturally, if people notice a shift too far in a certain direction, they try to work against it, and most of the time this working against it is too far in the wrong direction as well.
I’m not positive you mean this, but you’re implying men shouldn’t pay for their intimacy? You think it should be free? Everyone pays, but in healthy relationship the “payment” is emotional intimacy, acts of service, words of affection etc. No one is walking up to a stranger and banging them without giving anything. Heck even in sex alone there’s “transactions.” During foreplay, I get you a little turned on, you get me a little turned on, I escalate, you escalate.
I mean literal payment, with money.
