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What?!
His true calling as a car salesman.
I will party a whole week long when he finally dies… So hurry up Donald.
I really, really, really hope he dies on the toilet. It’s such a fitting place. Just, he takes a break from a meeting and doesn’t come back. And when they go to look for him, he’s slumped to the side. Unable to give anal birth to DJT the Turd. I hope pictures of it leak. I’d get it on a t-shirt.
On the toilet?
In public! Grabs
his heartthe area where normal humans have a heart, starts staring wildly, sweating profusely, all you hear is a giant wet fart, then his pants stain brown, he stumbles, knocks his head, bites his tongue, collapses.The end.
Yeah, on the toilet. Alone with the realization and fear of death. No family or fans around to comfort his ego. Just cold, uncaring porcelain.
I think it would be gold rather than porcelain in his case. But I get you point.
For me, it’s gotta be a bullet in a bunker, MAGA has to die cowardly and with a wimper so even those most faithful don’t want to talk about it any more
I won’t party till Musk and the rest of the oligarchs are gone too.
Each one of these assholes gets their own special party week.
Sadly it seems like he might live many more years despite a preposterously unhealthy lifestyle.
I wonder how’s life in the alternative timeline where he didn’t move his head a couple of inches away.
If Thomas Matthew Crooks had not decided to use a bottom of the line AR-15 with iron sights and splurged on a proper target rifle in a long-range caliber like .300 winchester magnum or 6.5mm Creedmoor and a decent scope. Along with match grade JHP boat tail ammunition, he wouldn’t even NEED to know what ranges he is shooting. At the distance he was from Trump he would not have needed to adjust much for windage or bullet drop. He could have aimed for the chest and fired, and maybe even gotten a follow-up shot to the chest again (little chance in surviving that) and there would be no more Trump. The Secret Service sniper would still have blown Crooks’s head off, but he would have died knowing he accomplished his goal.
Not even a couple inches, he literally just picked his head a bit to the side, maybe an inch at most. That little chicken-head-jerk thing he does when he talked saved his life by like half a second. Just a guess, but I’m almost sure that at the moment the shooter pulled the trigger, the shot was lined up.
They’ll wire him with some dark tech sorcery like the god emperor he so desperately longs to be.
White House Press pack now have the opportunity to just grill who ever is at the podium next on questions comparing the Model X and then deaths related to Self Driving Incidents
They literally just notified 32% of the Department of Education last night that they were being fired.
Fuck these assholes and anyone who voted for them can fucking drop dead.
i mean, who needs Education anyways? in the future, when machines take all the jobs, there’s no point in having an educated workforce. so better cut down on that money that schools are spending today. (/s)
The poorly worn suits make so much more sense now
Trump: slaps roof
Tesla: combusts
Come on cuntservatives! Buy an EV like your king commands but look like a tree-hugging pussy or don’t buy an EV and be a traitor to your king!
Which will it be?
Literal used car salesman as president. 🤦♂️
Do you mean a salesman selling used cars, or a used salesman selling cars? :P
Yes.
Do these idiots not realize that it’s Tesla’s association with nazis that’s killing sales? How did they think this was going to help, Republicans are suddenly going to start buying electric vehicles?
Yes. That was the goal, the God-King ordering the masses to buy Tesla.
Personally I don’t see the countryside maga folk buying EVs.
Ya. This shit is on the top of lemmy but how Ukraine just bombed the fuck out of Moscow and agrees to a cease fire with America reestablishing military support and intelligence services to Ukraine is nowhere to be seen.
Wouldn’t both parties need to agree to a cease fire for it to take effect? So far, Ukraine is the only one that agreed.
Trump agreed. He would only do that if Putin allowed it.
Now let’s see if Putin rejects to establish dominance.
Protip: you are much less likely to be bombed if you don’t stars wars.
Fuck Moscow.
OK Tankie
Why isn’t Elon wearing a suit?
He will wear the costume when his war against democracy is over.
Disgusting. No way for a President to act.
Yeah! He shoulda stuck to selling beans from the Oval Office, like a respectable con man!
SAD.
Title of his memoirs.
This looks like an SNL sketch. People keep expressing sympathy for the onion writers, but really, how does one even parody this? Just shot for shot, word for word something a satirist would come up with.
I figure The Onion just has to full on go the opposite direction.
-Trump Returns Funds to Ukraine: Turns Back on Russia.
-Functioning Government Returns to the United States
-Democrats Embrace The Left
Headlines no one could believe and stories about things basically working like they should.
(ChatGPT story)
Americans Celebrate Having One Regular Day, Say It’s “Exactly What They Needed”
New York, NY — In an unprecedented turn of events, Americans across the country are celebrating what they are calling “the most normal, regular day in recent memory,” marking a significant break from the chaotic, unpredictable rollercoaster of modern life.
“It’s honestly been a while since I’ve had a day like this,” said Karen Thompson, 42, of Dayton, Ohio, who reported that her Tuesday included nothing more than answering a few emails, picking up groceries, and getting a slightly-too-hot coffee at her local Starbucks. “I didn’t get any bad news. No surprise work projects. I even made it through traffic without being rear-ended by a guy in a Dodge Ram. It was a good day. I’m feeling rejuvenated.”
In cities from coast to coast, Americans woke up to the kind of day they hadn’t experienced in months: no major scandals, no worldwide crises, no seismic shifts in public opinion. For once, the news cycle wasn’t dominated by geopolitical unrest or trending hashtags. In fact, the only noteworthy event was that the Wi-Fi went out for about 15 minutes — and even then, no one freaked out.
“I haven’t had a day this uneventful since… I don’t even remember,” said Jack Morris, 29, from Austin, Texas. “I didn’t even get an email with ‘urgent’ in the subject line. I was able to enjoy lunch without my coworker telling me they’ve started a podcast. It was just me and my turkey sandwich, and honestly, it was great.”
At a press conference held to commemorate the event, a spokesperson for the National Association of Regular Days (NARD) explained that the organization was “thrilled” to see this rare occurrence of calm, adding that they hope it signals the beginning of a new era of moderation.
“The public has long been craving a moment to just breathe,” the spokesperson said. “We’re seeing a nationwide trend of people taking an actual break from the chaotic ‘always on’ mentality. It’s almost as if they’re starting to realize… hey, maybe a day of normalcy isn’t so bad after all.”
While some have expressed concerns that this “regular day” could be the result of a political conspiracy or an alien invasion disguised as mundane life, the overall mood across the nation remains overwhelmingly positive. Social media has been flooded with #OneRegularDay memes, with people praising the “non-urgent vibe” of the day.
“It’s been great,” said social media influencer Mia Stewart, 23. “No pressure to be perfect, no need to overshare every moment of my life — just a regular day. So glad we could all experience it together. Honestly, I think I might do it again tomorrow.”
At press time, the news cycle had already shifted back to unpredictable chaos, but Americans remained hopeful that a few more normal days might be just around the corner.
50 years ago, the president advertising a product probably would have lead to investigations
Now it barely makes the evening news.
Heck, no need to go back 50 years. If Biden did it there’d be backlash. Trump was right about being able to shoot someone and not losing supporters.
I remember they were ready to impeach Obama for wearing a tan suit.
These guys and suits… and of course musk can wear his t-shirt and no one says shit.
Oh, but Vance had a lot to say about Zelenskyy not dressing up in the WH. Buncha dorks. 😂
I read that as Vsauce and wondered what happened to Michael.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Checkers_speech
It did, but he got the VP nom anyway. And he went on to fundamentally reshape the Republican Party over the next twenty five years.
This is basically what killed South Park in 2016. Trump became president and you can’t even parody that, because You can’t think of anything more absurd. Except maybe electing him for a second time.
Honestly, every time I see an SNL skit recently that mimics one of the latest events I keep saying this is sad because as crazy as they get, I feel like the real event was so much crazier. The skits just make me sad because I’m just being reminded of how fucked we are.
Reporting trump doing nice things for liberals is how they should approach it. IMO.
This looks like an SNL sketch.
Ohh, I kept waiting for something funny to happen, but now I get it - it won’t.
:DSNL have been getting alot it lately with all the material they are getting from trump admin.
It’s not like it’s a surprise. Remember how he did a photoshoot with a can of beans, because the owner of the brand said he liked him?
Stopped eating Goya products because of this.
Same. Haven’t bought anything Goya since. Once i looked into them it was clear i probably should have stopped long before they endorsed trump but better late than never
our bougie grocery chain stopped carrying this after he did this.
No. What?
I had thought this was a photoshop. WTH.
its not, you can see the hands are very small
Is it required for him to look evil?
He tries but rarely succeeds.
Is that a can of eggs?
Coconut milk
its coconuts.
I think it’s coconut
Oh. I thought maybe they had canned ones now.
There are pickled eggs, so maybe?
Right. There you go. Now we’re thinking outside of the carton. We’ll find a solution to this egg problem.
